It has been a difficult few weeks of realizations for me.
I almost lost my wife twice during the course of the last few weeks. I don't know what I would be doing right now if things had turned out differently. Blogging on Facebook probably wouldn't be in the list.
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She could have slipped away right after child birth due to hemorrhaging – right after Cameron came into the world. He had a slew of nurses and staff all making sure he was doing okay, while mom held my hand. It may sound calloused, harsh, or even evil-parent-in-the-making, but I was more concerned with Michelle than I was with Cameron.
Quite simply, I've known and loved her longer.
A lot of emotions came flooding through me after she was wheeled away. I felt cheated – Michelle and I were supposed to grow old together.
The saying that goes something like "you don't know what you have until you loose it" may be accurate – even though I know exactly what I have. Michelle completes me. She keeps me honest and grounded. She is my sounding board when I have important decisions to make. She is my confidant and best friend. She is my companion, my love and now the mother of my child. There is no way for me to describe to you fully what she means to me – nor how I truly feel about her.
If things had turned out differently I know Cameron and I would have the support of my friends and our family. The loss would have been immeasurable.
Cameron is the product of a loving and caring relationship.
If that was the lesson I was supposed to have learned – I already knew that.