Birthdays
I became disillusioned with birthdays somewhere in my teens. It was a
harsh discovery to find out that birthdays don't mean much to people
outside of your immediate family and friends. You don't get the day
off school – you don't get special treatment from those around you –
rent is still due and you don't get gifts from strangers.
This forced me to reevaluate my whole value system regarding
birthdays. What do they matter, really? It's just a form of date
calculation and time to renew your license. It is merely an excuse to
get together and celebrate – for some – your existence – for others –
your involvement in their life. To me – it doesn't really matter.
Should I not be showing you how much I care about you all year long?
Do you really need something more for me to show you my affection
towards you? If you do – then I am not much of a friend to you. You
should already know – otherwise I've failed in showing you that.
I face a personal dilemma when it comes to ceremony and ritual. I
want to know why the ritual exists – what does it mean? I want to make
sure I agree with the reasons behind it before I participate, or even
condone it. I know – that sounds as though what I say affects the
decisions of others – and I know it doesn't – but I still want to be
true to myself and make sure that I am not hypocritical about things –
which is so hard to do – but I have a lifetime to stomp them out of
myself.Anyway – I am getting off topic.
When it comes to birthdays – I want to make sure the people I care
about know I care about them without having to note their birthdays in
anyway. If I forget (and I probably will) their birthday and not get a
card or call – I don't want them to get hurt feelings because they
think I don't care. If I am a good friend to them – they should never
question whether I care about them – even if I let their birthday pass
without remark. They should just think (to themselves or even to their
friends) "oh, that's just Rob. He just doesn't care about birthdays.
It's not that he doesn't care about me".
Now – with all that said – I am aware that some people place a lot more
stock in birthdays than I – and I do try to keep that in mind and wish
a happy birthday or call or whatever. That just ends up causing more
problems if I forget their birthday the following year – so what, I
don't care anymore? Or what if I forget their birthday – but remember
their sibling's? More likely – I forgot both of them – but was
reminded of the latter by a friend (more likely my wife – I love the
date reminder feature on her).
This gives me an interesting position when it comes to teaching my
kids. I want to teach them that people place a lot of emotional stock
in birthdays – but your birthday only has to be as special as you make
it out to be.
I've been a dad for two years – holy crap.
Happy birthday Cameron.